Parenting with Patience: Giving Your Child the Gift of Feeling Valued
“It’s so hard, why won’t my child just behave?!”
Have you ever found yourself saying or thinking something similar to this? You are not alone. Almost every parent has a story of how they became frustrated and overwhelmed with their child’s behavior.
Sometimes what kids do can be so grating that you lose your patience. You raise your voice, yell, and say things that you instantly regret. And your child gets angry back, yelling and screaming as well.
Nothing gets solved.
But it doesn’t have to end up like this. Here how you can practice parenting with patience and give your child the gift of feeling valued.
Take a Deep Breath
Before going any further, take a moment to pause and take a deep breath. Your child’s behavior may be overwhelming, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be addressed in a healthy way.
However, to get there it’s important that you feel grounded and secure. So consider these thoughts:
If you are still engaged in arguing with your child, tell them that you want to take a break.
Agree to pause and set a time for when you can come back.
Take some space, even it’s just in another room (even the bathroom).
Breathe deeply, allow your muscles to relax, and let your mind clear.
Once you feel better, you can start to consider the problem between you and your child from a new perspective.
Separate Your Child from Their Behavior
It’s very easy when you have a person in your life who is not behaving (whether a child or an adult) to make things personal. You see them do something incredibly hurtful. They call you names and know just what to target to bring up negative feelings for you.
Even if it’s a little child, their stubbornness, anger, and behavior can be really hard to deal with. In those moments, try to separate the child from their behavior. And keep in mind how they are still the funny, goofy, silly, and intelligent being that you love unconditionally.
You don’t have to approve of what they did, of course. However, making a separation between what your child did and who they are will allow you to direct your emotional energy to resolve the issue versus being angry at your child.
Be Affirming
Positive affirmations are important, especially before you have those parenting-with-patience moments. The reason is simple. Children need to know that they are appreciated and loved.
Lamentably, we don’t always do this as adults. We get distracted with work or the multiple other things we have on our to-do lists. Thus, we don’t notice the good things that our kids are doing. Maybe your child painted a cool picture at school today. Did you compliment them? Or they did something really nice for their sibling. Did you affirm that positive behavior by saying they did a good job?
It’s those moments that help to ensure your child feels valued.
Have Real Conversations
When your kid does act out, are you able to have a real, age-appropriate conversation with them? Talking about what happened is a chance for your child to express themselves in a healthier way. Your response, though, will be critical.
Listen intently to your child. Ask them clarifying questions. Smile at them and have a friendly, relaxed posture. All of these little things will help you have more patience during these tough parenting moments and will allow your child to feel more valued.
When It’s Time to Get Professional Help
Keep in mind that parenting requires not just patience with your child but also the process. Working on your patience and empowering your child to feel valued will take time. You can’t rush this.
Yet, if you have been trying for a while and you’re not seeing results, perhaps it’s time to talk to a professional counselor. Also, if your child’s behavior is so out of control that you don’t know what to do, ask for help. A counselor can help you with parenting strategies and also point you to other resources that can provide support.
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Parenting does require patience. There will always be some low moments in your parent-child relationship. But there are many positive moments too! Try the tips noted above, and if you are still struggling with maintaining your patience, ask for help from a professional counselor.